| READ ME [important notice]
Yeah, I learned my lesson.. Don't trust the public. Not that one [I already knew that one], it's about being serious about it..
People [generally in my school], teachers, even my mother read my xanga. Well you know my xanga, right? Some people say I talk 'shit' here, teachers say my xanga is unapproriate, my mother said I shouldn't be posting any of these that are in my xanga. To be honest, I cannot delete my post. So I just made them private; Christine told me to switch my posts into private mode last January 3rd because some people access my xanga. Why did I not delete my posts? Even though most of them are unapproriate, they still hold memories and archives that I would not want to forget. Even the things I wrote in my xanga about you...
Today I was given a day off [by the school], Mr. Hanson and Mr. Mack told me that I should post my last of to straighten up things, well here it is. [I'm making this simple as possible for you to understand]
After winter break, I already knew few people read my xanga in my PE class [1st period] because I heard Michelle talked about it. Pissed off she was, I believe she is still. So, some people in that class kept on talking behind my back on the past weeks, even made false insults. Eventually they [rumours and insults about my xanga and I] spread throughout some of the people in the school. Reality check, some people were/are upset/pissed off, despite the fact that just a few of them really went through my xanga, and the majority of them, they just heard it from other people.
Last Friday, January 14, 2005, lunchtime [my lamest moment I have ever had in my whole entire life] I sat with Christine, Yvenjammin [dude, your name is funky], Liria, Stephs [G&S] and Nancy. The Stephs and Nancy went out to buy some chips and would go to the attendance office, Liria was talking to her other friends. Then the 3 of us [Christine, Yvenjammin and I] decided to walk around and everything.. When I got up, well I was hit by a thing [I think it was a fruit] on the back of my head. Turned around and saw Angelica and her friends, "Did you throw that to me?" I asked her, "Why will I throw something to you?" she answered while giving me a disgusted look. Liria came with us, and when we were about to hit the exit, I was still looking at Angelica, and she was still giving a disgusted look to me [in English, mugging..]. So we were walking walking walking.. Then Liria came to her other friends and decided to give them a hug.. well just one of them. We decided to leave her alone because she was busy and everything.. So we went to the hall of the exit door of Mrs. Khan's, and other doors.. There came bunches of girls [mind you, all of them are Hispanics except for Michelle] marching towards me. Gaby was there [not the girl in my math class, she's in my 4th and 5th], all flushed and pissed??
Angelica spoke first, she told me about me being a racist upon calling Mexicans as 'burrittos' and all that, "My xanga is just a xanga, you shouldn't be making a big deal out of it.." I said that, unfinished [meaning, I didn't get my chance to speak up what I should have said] because someone interrupted and said "oow is that a threat?" Angelica then said, "I don't really understand what you are saying because I don't speak Chinese.." ok.. [fyi: I'm not Chinese, I'm Filipino]. Someone heard me, but she did not. Then Gaby was talking about me and talking 'shit' and being a racist, "Why are you a racist, and you shouldn't talk shit about Mexicans, blah blah blah blah blah.." Didn't really hear her because the crowd was getting big.. because of me. And people were shouting and everything because of me.
The bell rang, so when I was heading to my next class [still in that hall]. People started pushing me, throwing things at me, and of course, the lamest of all, spreading the rumour and people assuming it. Didn't even get my chance to speak up.
Important Points:
~That 'Mexican Burritto' in my xanga was not an insult to Mexicans, I never did say 'Burritto' infront of Hispanic faces or what.
~If I was a racist, did I ever disrespect/mistreat Mexicans according to their race?
~Would you actually listen to what other people say about me and my xanga instead of finding out for yourself or just leaving it alone because everybody has different perspectives?
A blog is a webpage you could personalize and post your thoughts. Yeah, I know, I have been posting negative thoughts [mind you, most of them are reasonable because I will never ever let into myself into an unconstructive criticism]. I'm not a perfect person, so don't expect me that I think my thoughts are right and wrong, I learn my lessons from my mistakes, and this mistake of mine was my thoughts were exposed to the public [Christine, before winter break, asked for my addie, so I wrote my addie and webbie on her binder, and she passed that binder to Michelle, Michelle saw it and visited, shared her review about my posts in my xanga], and the really raw thing about this whole thing is that many people get me and my xanga wrong.
If you are going to ask me why do I hate the school so much, one word: Ignorance. Like what I said before, "some people were/are upset/pissed off, despite the fact that just a few of them really went through my xanga, and the majority of them, they just heard it from other people." Just look at that phrase and realize that many people forget to consider everything first before assuming. Tell me, how many people in my school think like those people I'm referring to? Can't count them, too many, it's killing me. I'm in the middle of trying to accept for who they are, even though they don't accept me for who I am. That is just me and that is my job as a human. Ignorance is the 'shit' you are telling me I was talking about in my past posts. If you are going to tell me that I am an ignorant person too because this site is public and I never did consider the viewers, I didn't give my xanga to other people, I knew in the past weeks some people have been browsing through my xanga, why did I not shut this down earlier? This post is not the post I was supposed to post, I wanted to give out my point of view in the post I was supposed to post but it didn't happen due to the things that are happening around me in the school. Too much things that doesn't even make any sense at all. Those were adding up to my ideas and all that.
Ignorance is also the reason why I don't really show off my real personality to most of the people in the school, so they end up calling me weird, yep, even though they don't know me at all. But it doesn't really bother me at all.
My past posts are just thoughts of mine, if you are going to make a big deal out of it, nothing will happen to you. This is my last in this xanga, and I hope you do understand this whole acknoledgement because if you don't and would still believe on what other people say about me, well that's your life.
¤Colleen¤
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Pfft, I'm 